Signs You Are Too Drunk

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.

Your job is interfering with your drinking.

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

You find sprituality in the saying; 24 hours a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence??

You see the logic in - 2 hands and just 1 mouth - now THAT's a drinking problem.

You can focus better with one eye closed.

The parking lot always seems to move while you're in the bar.

You fall off the floor habitually...

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

You tell your wife, Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

At AA meetings you begin with "Hi, my name is.... uh..."

Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

You wake up in the bedroom with your underwear in the bathroom, but all of your clothes still on.

The whole bar says "Hi!" when you come in.

You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol and Women.

Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.

Roseanne looks good.

You don't recognize your wife unless seen through the bottom of a glass.

That damned pink elephant keeps following you home.

Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.

In court you're fined for contempt when you say, "I'm as jober as a sudge, sir."

The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.

You wake up screaming, "TORO TORO TORO!!!" in the middle of the night.