23. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below deck in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the
key.
22. Two words: John Williams.
21. People have not lost their lives trying to recreate scenes from Star Wars on the bow of a cruise
liner.
20. Okay, Leo can Riverdance, but can he fly an X-Wing?
19. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber, as
opposed to a handgun.
18. When flying toward the Titanic, Wedge can't say, "Look at the size of that thing!" and really mean
it.
17. Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential.
16. Titanic's big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
15. Yoda could use the force to lift Titanic out of the water.
14. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material. Rose is just marriage bait.
13. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
12. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian
by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral and cheerfully putting up with Gungans who have the language skills of 3-year-olds.
12b. Aforementioned bug-eyed amphibious admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
11. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property.
We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people solar systems away and blows up planets for fun. We know Darth
Maul is the bad guy because he's against Obi Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn. Enough said.
10. Rose braves icy waters to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hut.
9. There are always enough escape pods Star Wars.
8. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed 'kings of the world?'
7. "I'd rather be his whore than your wife," just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd just as soon
kiss a Wookie."
6. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a prized wall ornament. Jack simply freezes.
5. Han Solo would've steered clear of that stupid iceberg!!!!!! As would young Anakin!!!!!!!
4. We knew the boat was gonna sink from the get-go, but who could have anticipated "Luke..... I am
your father" or that Obi-Wan was soooo good looking when he was young?
3. Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters. Everyone in Titanic was a stupid minor
character.
2. When Star Wars was proclaimed the coolest movie of all time by half of planet Earth, George Lucas
did not make a dork of himself at the Oscars.
And the number one reason Star Wars is better than Titanic can be summed
up in their respective morals.
1. Titanic morals: a. gamble
b. cheat on your husband
c. pose nude for pictures
d. premarital
sex is OK if you're infatuated
e. you really don't need any goals in life, just drift aimlessly
Star Wars morals:
a. fight evil
b. do good
c. respect all life, even if it's ugly, slithers,
rambles on pointlessly, or talks like a 3-year-old
d. rescue princess and all friends
e. save planet/star system/galaxy/universe
