What do you call a hancuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't
hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be hell.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half
the time they don't work.
How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
We cook - they eat; we clean - they dirty; we iron - they
wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking their stomachs in every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys 2 cases of beer instead of just 1.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with are legs, breasts, an thighs.
How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
ONE, he just holds it up there and waits for
it to revolve around him.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several
times.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says...."
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always suppsoed to have a rough draft before
creating your masterpeice.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
No one will stop and ask for directions.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lots in space the woman will
ask for directions.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than it is for women?
When it's time to go back to
his childhood, he's already there.
