Computer Troubleshooting

Describe your problem -
Now, describe your problem accurately -
Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem -
Problem Severity:
A. Minor
B. Minor
C. Minor
D. Trivial
Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up
B. Frozen
C. Hung
D. Strange Smell
Is your computer plugged in?
Is it turned on?
Have you tried to fix it yourself?
Have you made it worse?
Have you had 'a friend' who 'knows all about computers' try to fix it?
Did they make it even worse?
Have you read the manual?
Are you sure you've read the manual?
Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual?
If you read the manual, do you think you understood it?
If 'Yes' then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself?
What were you doing with you computer at the time the problem occured?
If you answered 'nothing' explain why you were logged in then
Are you sure you aren't just imagining the problem?
Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00?
Do you have a copy of 'PCs for Dummies?'
Did you lie in answer to the previous question?
Do you have any independent witnessess to the problem?
Do you have any electronic products that work?
Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on?
Have you given the machine a good whack on the top?
Is the machine on fire?
Can you throw the computer out a window and do something else instead of bothering me?