Strippers rock. Male, female - it doesn't matter. Full frontal nudity, completely topless, G-strings,
swimsuits, the nice posteriors, everything about them. You want to talk about some serious public servants? Okay, let's talk
about strippers, exotic dancers, lingerie-wearing maids - all of them. What public service to these gorgeous, uninhibited
people perform? I'm glad you asked! Strippers keep thousands and thousands of marriages together every year. I think this
is an amazing feat with the massive divorce rate in this country - a rate that just keeps rising steadily. I can hear you
saying, "But, Caran, you think marriage is a sacred bond and that adulterers should be castrated and/or jailed." Yes, I most
certainly do think those things. Watching whatever gender you prefer to watch is not adultery, in my opinion. Indeed, if you
can go sit and watch someone take their clothes off and get a little hard or a little wet only to go home to your significant
other and have a little sex, I think that's a wondermous thing. After all, sexual dysfunction is behind many divorces every
day. When it comes right down to it - sex is sex and it is great.
So let's take this issue from a personal standpoint. (I'm not particularly fond of objective, detached
writing which is why I write editorials and not articles. Would I object to my husband going to a strip club? Not at all.
What would be the one thing stopping said proverbial husbad from going to clubs? Because I would love to go with him, indeed,
I would nearly demand it. Why would I do that? Well, I am one of those hard to understand people who finds their own gender
quite beautiful. In my opinion, women are objects of art, particularly when they are nude. (Let's get those question out of
the way: have I ever had a girlfriend? Yes.) But back to the stripper bit... Would I object to my husband going to a strip
club by himself or with his friends? Not at all. I'd be hot and anxious for him to get home.
Now, let me stop for a second a specify something: adultery is not a well-defined subject. I've heard
people (mostly women) say that anything intimate, even a conversation, is adultery, but I've also heard that if the sex isn't
meaningful, it's not adultery (mostly from men.) I don't mean to come down on meaningless sex, there's a place and a time
for it, but I believe that time is before you dare to commit yourself to one person. I have two rules that make an action
constitute adultery on my terms: for the prodigal husband - intimate physical contact, including lap dances - that's my job;
for anyone else out there - you make the husband uncomfortable and I'll beat you into the ground.
So, strippers, strippers, rah rah rah! Save those marriages! Turn those slightly sexually dysfunctional
men on for their emotionally or physically unavailable wives!! Help those emotionally dysfunctional patrons get all the stress
and anxiety and frustration out a little! Be beautiful! Be absolutely gorgeous and dance, sway and smile all night long!!
But remember, patrons, strippers are still employed - break out those wallets
