These are actual instructions:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(But that's the only time I have to do
my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter's
special.)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be HOW?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's just a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: Printed on bottom of box: Do not turn upside down.
(I love
it, food to tick you off.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
(You think?? Are
you sure?? Let's experiment!!)
On packaging for Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save time?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery while using.
(We
could really do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5-year-olds off the forklifts and
cranes.)
On Nytol Sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would only hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: Keep out of chilren.
(Yummm.... What's for dinner again,
Mom?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas Lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed
to.....?)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for other use.
(Now I'm curious....)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts.
(Whoa, dude... Never woulda seen that one
coming...)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(I guess they
would need those instructions because the packet might taste better than the nuts.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(I guess the power
switch would be out of the question, huh?)
On a child's Superman costume: The wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's
right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!!!)
For those of you who question the real necessity of these directions, DelMonte once removed the directions
it had on it's cans of corn which read: Open can, heat, serve. However, so many people complained about the missing directions
they had to put them back on!!!!!!!
